“Everyone gets angry—right?” Right. But everyone doesn’t take action on that anger, hurling sword-shaped words at people they love and damaging relationships in the process.

The assumption many people make is that if they are angry, then some other person needs to do something differently that will stop making them angry. This point of view will not bring you what you truly want most—harmonious relationships.

In the case of anger, the struggle is within, and relief from anger must also come from within. Here’s the process I recommend for calming anger.

1. On a sheet of paper, write out what you’re angry about. Use strong language. Don’t hold anything back. Write until you’re sick and tired of writing about anger.

2. Read what you’ve written and identify no more than three character defects within you that are reflected in your writing. They may be something like “judgmental,” “blaming,” “intolerant,” “impatient,” “self-righteous.”

3. Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself, choosing to be “non-judgmental,” “accepting,” “tolerant,” “patient,” “humble.”

You might ask, “But what do I do in the heat of the moment?” Try this.

Say something like, “I’m angry right now and don’t want to speak for fear I’ll say something hurtful.” Or “I’m so angry I’m exhausted.” And then simply walk away. Give up.

The emotion of anger and resentment weakens us. When we are in a state of acceptance or forgiveness, we’re strong. Our bodies emit vibrations that others enjoy being with. Simply stated, anger is a choice. And we’re free to make a different choice.

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