August 6th, 2009

by Nancy

When I left a position several years ago, I worked with a coach to help make the transition for myself and for the organization. When I described how puzzled I was at how some board members were behaving, she said, “They’re angry that you’re leaving.” I was shocked. Now I realize that their anger had more to do with change than with me.

Change challenges us. It shakes us up—and most people don’t like to be shaken up. Change presents us with a set of circumstances out of our control. It causes us to change our routine, our schedule, and maybe even our lifestyle. The bottom line is that when we’re in the midst of change, we’re usually not getting our way, and that’s what makes us mad. Our ability to predict is diminished. We feel uncertain.

When I was a little girl, I had different colored panties for every day of the week—and they were embroidered with the name of each day: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. So every morning I knew exactly what to choose. My mother had hand towels for every day of the week, labeled with the major household task to be completed that day. Monday was WASH CLOTHES. Tuesday was IRON. I don’t remember the others, but every day had its own hand towel, with the major task emblazoned on it.

So is there any wonder that I’m not crazy about change?

Over time, I’ve made peace with the process of change. Through the inner work I’ve done, I’ve learned to be okay, no matter what’s going on around me. My well being is no longer anchored to something outside of me. And I’ve learned that change goes smoothly when I let go of expectations, just say what I truly need to say, and be at ease, no matter what.

The greatest delight has been that change, especially the gut-wrenching, painful variety, usually brings a result that is far better than what I imagined. And the whole truth is that today the quality of my life is fabulous—because of change that was beyond my control.

Turn into the Slide

When the car slips on ice,
Turn into the slide;
Yield to the pull of it,
Foot off the brake.

Fighting and conquering
Are not okay
For a slide. Do it,
And you die, perhaps.

The slide leads you,
Though you didn’t choose,
To a better place.
And when you follow,

You discover freedom—
Safety—surprise—
And warmth—
On ice!

The Skid

Leaning into change is like
Turning into a skid on ice.

It looks treacherous—
Even lethal, perhaps.

But you steer into it,
Feel the car ease,

Stop slipping, and
Begin to glide.
Nancy Oelklaus

Leave a Reply