Birds, Breezes, and Boundaries
By Nancy Oelklaus, Ed. D.
Beyond the stoplight, I saw something white floating, fluttering, slightly dropping, then suddenly rising. It was the middle of the day—not the time for an erratic bat or swallow to be out. I squinted my eyes to make out the shape more clearly. Then, into the right corner of my vision flew a bird, easily navigating the breeze that was flipping and bouncing what I now realized was a piece of paper.
What this small observation has to do with boundaries is that people without boundaries are like the piece of paper. Someone gets angry, and they jump. Something scary happens, and they “lose it.” Since there’s no clear definition within them—no wings to navigate the breeze—they rise and fall on the winds of someone else’s disposition or actions.
Or they take their cue from events, reacting rather than thoughtfully responding.
For people with fuzzy or no boundaries, a controversial issue can turn them into red-faced bullies or white-faced, terrified individuals.
What boundaries are really all about is determining who we ourselves want to be, no matter what is happening around us.
Learning to set and keep boundaries is an essential component of maturity. It’s about who we truly are and what we truly want to experience in our lives. Unlike paper and birds, we get to make that choice.
The women’s retreat on Saturday, September 12, will produce clarity on the dance of boundaries in relationships. Give yourself the gift of the peace of mind that comes with clear boundaries. Register today at http://www.HigherPowerFoundation.com
Your story compels me to tell my story.
Last year during labor day weekend I had surgery for breast cancer. Several days later, while I was recovering at home, I woke up from that semi sleepy state resulting from four hours of anesthesia to see that a small bird had flown into the room.
No idea how it got in, we have screens on the windows and doors.
The bird was sitting on my bed! I was still for maybe a minute. I looked at bird, bird looked at me. When I moved bird flew on top of armoire for a few seconds and then flapped around the room. I got out of bed, opened the window and… by by birdie.
No I was not hallucinating and I have no explanation nor a specific meaning that I attach to the event. But I do know it was a blessing.
Marge Schiller
Hingham, MA