by Nancy Oelklaus, Ed. D.

Recently a client who is changing her life by making healthier choices asked, “Now that I don’t drink, what do I do in my free time?”

This question might be asked in hundreds of ways: “Now that I don’t smoke . . . eat excessively . . . read trashy novels . . . gossip on the telephone . . . meddle in my children’s lives . . .” And the list goes on and on.

It’s a good question: What do I do in the pause between activities, responsibilities, schedules, and tasks? Those times when I panic because I don’t have a script for this, so I start feeling anxious?

Get a sheet of paper. Skipping a line between each entry, write everything you can think of that you love doing. Maybe it’s going for a walk. Maybe it’s just sitting outside. Maybe it’s going to the pool, getting a massage, visiting your favorite art gallery, or simply reading a magazine. List everything you can think of, large and small.

After you’ve filled the page and maybe more, get a pair of scissors and cut so that each entry is on its own strip of paper. Find an empty box—preferably a beautiful box that you love. Fold each strip and place in the box.

The next time you have a few minutes and don’t know what to do with yourself, open the box and draw a strip. If you happen to draw one that won’t work for that moment—like taking a walk, when you don’t have time to clean up from being sweaty—simply put it back and draw another one.

Yesterday afternoon, I had one of those pause moments when I came to the end of THE LIST and had a couple of hours, unfilled. I had just bought a new memoir by someone I admire, and I was eager to start reading it. It was a cool, overcast day with a slight breeze, beckoning me out, so I followed. Sitting in my back yard, surrounded by beauty, I read a few pages and then put my head back, eyes closed, and let the words soak in. Then I read some more. I stayed as long as I wanted, without looking at a clock. (I had left my watch indoors.)

My old script was that I had to be busy all the time, following a schedule. My new script is that my life is happier when I focus on enjoying it. Make a plan for adding enjoyment to your life. Write a new script, cut it into strips, and put it in a box. Then, when you come to the place of possibility, you have a plan.

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