by Nancy Oelklaus, Ed. D.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Marianne Williamson. A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles (New York: Harper Collins, 1992), pp. 190-191.

When I was a child, there was a well-known poem that went like this: “What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice.” So I and many others in my generation grew up with the belief that it was the female’s job to “be nice.” In my mind, that meant not hurting anyone’s feelings, even when it meant squelching my own. It often meant keeping my opinions to myself.

It isn’t just my generation. Even today, among women of all ages, there’s pressure for women to “be nice.” Don’t say what you truly think and feel. Back down if someone disagrees. Don’t do or say anything that someone might take personally. In other words, be less than who you truly are.

Then, of course, there are those who go to the other extreme, with no filter at all on their words or actions–flaunting their defiance of social norms, angrily asserting themselves, trying to be more than who they think they are.

Recently I’ve seen evidence of a new way of being among women and between men and women. It’s being free to say what we truly need to say. It’s permission to be strong without being offensive. It’s being able to disagree without taking it personally. It’s tolerating someone’s disagreement without labeling them with some offensive name and damaging the relationship.

Truly, I’m grateful to see this shift: Women standing in their own power, confident and strong, affirming their own worth and acknowledging that of others.